So, it’s been awhile since I’ve written… I’m not sure if this post is going to be an angry rant, a simple story, a self-help guide, or some combination of all these, but I guess we’ll find out together.
First, let me say that the reasons I haven’t written lately have been numerous, but the overarching reason is simply that I needed to regroup after my last disaster. I got discouraged from writing, I think, because I was running with a group of bloggers that are touted as “dating experts” and, I think, I was embarrassed to admit that I don’t feel like an expert at all… In fact, I was sort of ashamed of one of my last posts that presumed to tell others how to spot fake dating profiles, since, as evidence, I posted a picture and told the story of the “wonderful man”- (aka the one that lied to me through every orifice)- that I was worried about driving away with my “psycho-girl” suspicions.
“Psycho-girl”…. We need to examine that concept for a moment. I’m a little concerned that women get stereotyped as drama-perpetuating psychos at every turn:
I watched this video as part of an article called “Crazy Bitches Giving Me a Bad Name” written by According to Jewels, and, like you, I absolutely laughed my ass off. Of course, “JJ” comes across as bat-shit crazy, and maybe she truly is- but, in the age of Photoshop and digital- everything, it’s also possible that the interaction was edited/ taken out of context just enough to convince listeners that this girl was a certified Loony-Tune. What if, however, “Kevin”, participated in the crazy? Is she still a psycho for calling 87 times in one night? Probably. Unless, of course, Kevin baited her with lies and just enough attention to keep her on the hook. What? A man playing games with a woman? That could never happen, right? But, I digress.
OK… got the angry rant out of the way… time to get to the story.
I met Jason (I’m not bothering to change his name… he doesn’t deserve the right to anonymity) on a site for single parents… Let me emphasize that fact- he was on a dating site strictly devoted to single parents- and we hit it off immediately. I could hardly believe that there was someone out there that shared so many of my interests, wrote so eloquently, and was looking for exactly the same kind of partnership that I was. We wrote back and forth for weeks, exchanged numerous pictures, and had several telephone conversations. I kinda fell for him before we even met, and he assured me that the feeling was mutual.
When we met for the first time, all of my doubts that someone could find love on-line were washed away. It was pretty much instantaneous- we were a couple. In fact, I was so confident in our relationship that I pushed aside the little voice in my head that had been a little unsure about Jason- he had seemed to be evading meeting me face to face for a couple weeks and had canceled plans once or twice- but here he was, in the flesh, kissing me and telling me that I was the perfect woman for him.
Over the next several weeks, we had great dates, stayed in almost constant contact, bought little gifts for each other, made plans for an out-of-the- country vacation, met members of each other’s families and friends, and booked a weekend trip to Atlantic City. His mother friend-requested me on Facebook and we took his 4 year-old son to Chuckie Cheese together. We went shopping together, cooked dinner together, and watched movies at my house together.
I was elated. I had the relationship of my dreams and was happily planning our future.
And then… just as I was preparing to introduce Jason to my children, everything fell apart. I won’t recount every detail, but, through a series of unfortunate events (including cell phone snooping, faked food poisoning, and a Facebook meme confrontation), I found out that Jason had been lying to me from the very beginning and in more ways than I can recount. He was married.
He continued to lie about it for weeks after he was caught, and continued to torment me and make me doubt my sanity, until, finally I got my message across that he should not ever contact me again (I may have gone a little overboard: I not only cursed him, but his entire family… and his 4 year old son… I’m not proud of that, but, at least he stopped contacting me). In short, he was/ is a predator at best, and, perhaps, a full-fledged sociopath- and he fooled me hook, line, and sinker. Some dating expert I am.
They say that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… and I think I used to believe that. But, the fact remains that, although, I’m still breathing, I feel weaker and damaged. Where I used to pride myself on giving people the benefit of the doubt, always believing that deep down, they were good, I now find myself only full of doubt, and ready to pounce on any inconsistency in any conversation. I feel insecure much more often than I ever have, and find myself seeking constant reassurance that the world is right-side up. I’m trying to squelch these insidiously suspicious thoughts for fear that if I don’t, I may end up a bright-red-lipstick-on-the-teeth, chain-smoking, twitchy spinster wearing a house dress and yelling obscenities at small children and puppies. Wonder if that qualifies me as a psycho-chick now?
P.S. This isn’t actually the post that I wanted to write, because, I got right back on the horse and have been dating someone that I like a lot… but, before I can write about him, I had to get this one out of the way… so… wooo-saaaaa.